All of my Austin writing friends will be there (except for poor Kari, for whom we will be tweeting) and then of course there's the special guests like out-of-town authors and agents and editors.Oh, wait. VIPs are coming! I am TERRIFIED of VIPs! VIPs en masse could give me a heart attack! I'm all twitchy.
So instead of thinking of important things like how I might pitch my novel if asked or what questions I'll ask other authors I'm meeting for the first time or what I'm supposed to bring I'm worrying about the following:
I have two zits on my forehead and they are getting kind of huge and what if they don't go away before the conference?(Because obviously someone with zits can't write a decent manuscript and should be shunned.)
I noticed yesterday that I'm getting major rootage and my dye job is fading.
(Because no agent in his right mind would sign a pseudoredhead. If ginger kids have no souls, what on earth is in store for a faker?)
What if someone asks me about my book and I completely forget the plot?
(Because, you know, even though I spent a year and a half of my life having conversations in my head with a made up character this is totally likely.)
What if I fall asleep in the middle of a presentation because the conference starts so early and I don't really like coffee and I can't figure out how to sugar up the coffee provided enough so that I can actually drink it and, BAM, catching z's.(Because coffee is rocket science. Only rocket scientists can make it. That is why Starbucks is secretly run by NASA.)
In my sleepy stupor my Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome will flare up and I'll either make an inappropriate Freudian slip or say something ridiculous and make someone important hate me.
(Because it's not like I've ever made a good impression on someone. Of course not!)
The list goes on. Does anyone else get the jitters before an event like this? It's a great opportunity, and it will be hugely informative, but I know it's also going to be big-time fun. Clearly, I need to chill out. And that's why the world is blessed with pharmaceuticals.
In the future: I plan to blog about a few books I've read lately. Feel free to tell me what you've been reading down in them there comments. I love reading suggestions. Now I'm off to finish Girl from Mars by Tamara Bach (sososososo good) while listening to Catatonia. Goodnight.
Oh, Emily, thank you for the good laugh. I suggest circling the zits before you go to the conference, just to show that you know what they are thinking. I'm also a proponent of pharmaceuticals as needed as my five year old son has kept me up two nights this week--forcing me to worship coffee and still, my face feels painted with glue. I needed a good laugh. Thank You. And have fun. Oh, and I'm reading: Mrs. Pettigrew Lives for a Day. It's great.
ReplyDeleteYou are cracking me up. It's going to be a blast. And sadly, I'm suffering on the pimple thing also. My daughter this morning points to my face and says, "you have a pimple mommy."
ReplyDeleteDitto roots. I won't mention yours if you don't mention mine.